Last night i made a comment about how frustrating it is to me that when i was on vacation i hardly drank at all, and when i did it was mostly just something to relax in the evening, but as soon as i got back to work, literally from the first fucking day back i have become a very heavy drinker again. I got a bunch of "likes" from people i hardly ever speak to and who really have no idea what my life is about. FUCK YOUR FUCKING LIKES. It is so fucking insipid to "like" someone sharing their unhappiness about a personal problem and not provide any further comment. It comes across as "i am just pressing this button to let you know that i read what you wrote, but because i actually don't know you at all i can't write anything that is actually comforting or helpful, so here is a reminder that i am a voyeur and not a friend". This just makes me feel worse. Much worse.
Because this IS a serious problem. I don't like it. I don't like that literally the moment i am forced into working again, i can't get to sleep at night, i wake up in the middle of the night, i don't want to get out of bed in the morning, i want to numb myself within 5 minutes of leaving the office. I hate that i have fallen so far so goddamn fast that i blacked out Sunday night and was a total bitch in the office on Monday. I made an effort to cut back on alcohol about 6 months ago when i became a team lead and this week has been back to the worst. And then tonight i have been lying awake unable to sleep because of stupid fucking work politics and problems and stupid meetings. So i will go into work sub-optimal and cranky again.
This is really frustrating. I am so unhappy with being back at work.