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from the clubbing notebook...
Sometime last year i decided to stop taking my phone with me when i went out clubbing. Obviously phones are super useful and i spend way more time reading news and wiki on my phone than probably anywhere else, but when you are out and about and you have a phone there is a temptation to get lost in it instead of enjoy the moment. So, what did i replace it with? A tiny notebook. I have scribbled so many drunken ramblings over the past year or so, always thinking i would type it into the computer when i got home. I never did. I don't even know which day corresponds to which ramble any more.

Here is something from Monday.


Man, it's been so long since i went clubbing. Before Garbicz i am sure. I miss it, i really do. But here i am, sometime in the early afternoon on Monday, just showing up to a club that is half empty - the dregs of NYE hanging on, the regulars all popping up outta the woodwork. Amateurs have gone home. It's my people. Dirty, sweaty, tired, happy. Slow music. Mess everywhere. Smoke in the air.

If all my time in Berlin was like this i wouldn't leave. But you can't do this and hold down an office 9-5.

I have one weekly raver on my team, but he is the kind of raver i was 10-15 years ago. Friday night, maybe Saturday, after party Sunday and done. I can't hang with that crowd any more. Too much drugs. Too much drama. The dregs are junkies, or lifers. Either way, people who take the lifestyle more seriously than weekend warriors.

And, you know. There are less people. A much tighter knit group.

That's why i think i can leave Berlin. Not because i will ever find a city with clubs this good. There is nowhere in the world with such a high density of great musicians, great sound engineers, great lighting guys, great promoters... Not to mention incredibly liberal alcohol/licensing laws... But everywhere in the world has tiny pockets.

And i will search for the pockets.


One thing about transcribing that i have discovered from my travel journaling is that as you type it in you look back and think to yourself... my God, why did i write that? In my travel journaling i do some minor editing while transcribing, but this time i will leave it as-is. I mean, what the fuck was i thinking trying to justify why i prefer the "afterhours" crowd like oh no people who go clubbing on Saturday nights aren't real clubbers? What nonsense.

But, you know, bits and pieces that you do scrawl down in a haze perhaps do have a kernel of truth. For example. Less people. Smaller crew. I've never been a fan of big clubs and definitely not busy clubs. I need room to dance. Room to breathe. In Berlin the nighttime clubbers subsidize the slower pace that i like on the afternoons. In cities with less developed scenes i guess i just need to find the parties thrown by real labor of love DIY crews. They're out there. I know, because i actually lived 30-some years of my life NOT in this ravers wonderland.

So, you know, processing my decision. My landlord confirmed my exit date of end March. Yesterday i had a scheduled day off nursing my (expected) hangover of doom. Today i do not have a scheduled day off but i have called in sick because... Oh yeah, i don't want to go to work. Sigh. I need a day to mentally prepare myself. Next week i will have to tell my team, and it will be all i can do not to cry because i really do love them and want them to look back on this job as one of their best. I hope i could give them that. I need to give them that for just three more months. And then i can look out for me again.

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Hey, so. Reading back over your last few posts about clubbing, .MOD music, the BBS scene and underground techno, I feel like you might find it rewarding to look into your local chiptune scene, if you haven't already. Ich spreche nur ein bisschen Deustch (That's the only German I know, but I can say it so well that native speakers don't believe me), but it looks to me like there's a lot of events in your area.

Edited at 2017-01-04 12:58 pm (UTC)

Yeah, there probably is. I went to something similar years ago in Brissy once. One thing I found a bit awkward with more fringe gigs like that is that they felt a bit more "social" than regular gigs. What I love about regular clubs/raves is that you can basically show up, dance, not to talk to anyone, and leave, and do it every week, and it's totally fine. Not that I'm an antisocial person, just that one reason I go clubbing is to NOT have to talk to people - I use up all my social spoons during the week.

Its pretty heinous that since I've been back in Europe I haven't gone to any demo parties, though. I mean, I think they all play Counter-Strike there now anyway, but God knows they were a huge deal in the 80s and 90s, especially in Europe. And I never went to one.

+1 for spoon theory.

I've dragged more than one of my female friends out to chip gigs, and they've all told me something to the tune of;

"This is awesome! The music is great and you can dance, but all the guys are nerds and they're too scared to try to talk to you."

Although I do totally get the "Go out to dance, and only to dance" piece. That's the only reason I really go out these days, myself.

There's a yearly demoparty here (syntax) that I haven't been to yet either. I'd love to go, but I know I'd be so far out of my depth technically that I'm legit scared to show up. There's one guy who uses some kind of high-end x64 cluster to generate C64 ASM for music and speech. He usually wins the compos. Yeah, I can't compete with that on a technical level.

Edited at 2017-01-05 08:04 pm (UTC)

The club scene in Berlin sounds amazing!

It's always sad to say goodbye, but what a nice sentiment, trying to give them an awesome 3 months. Not many would think of it in those terms!

It is!! It is hands down the world capital of electronic music, but even for guitar music there is a huge scene. Pretty much every indie/underground music nut I know has been blown away. For at least a couple decades it has been blessed with both cheap housing and liberal licensing laws, so it's a bit of an artist's mecca. Admittedly people in my industry - tech - are gentrifying it heavily nowadays, but I'd still recommend visiting if you can.

Heh, I try to be really great for my guys. On my LJ when I read through the stuff I write I know I sound like a hysterical drunk and an emotional wreck... which I am... but I take my job extremely seriously. Imo the whole point of being a manager is to find the right balance between maximizing the output of your team (for the business) and giving them a great job experience (for their personal growth). It's exhausting to be responsible for so much, but I think I owe it to them to not let my personal shit mess up their professional lives.

I'm definitely adding it to my places that I want to visit! Sounds awesome.
You sound like a fantastic manager! =)

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