Here is something from Monday.
Man, it's been so long since i went clubbing. Before Garbicz i am sure. I miss it, i really do. But here i am, sometime in the early afternoon on Monday, just showing up to a club that is half empty - the dregs of NYE hanging on, the regulars all popping up outta the woodwork. Amateurs have gone home. It's my people. Dirty, sweaty, tired, happy. Slow music. Mess everywhere. Smoke in the air.
If all my time in Berlin was like this i wouldn't leave. But you can't do this and hold down an office 9-5.
I have one weekly raver on my team, but he is the kind of raver i was 10-15 years ago. Friday night, maybe Saturday, after party Sunday and done. I can't hang with that crowd any more. Too much drugs. Too much drama. The dregs are junkies, or lifers. Either way, people who take the lifestyle more seriously than weekend warriors.
And, you know. There are less people. A much tighter knit group.
That's why i think i can leave Berlin. Not because i will ever find a city with clubs this good. There is nowhere in the world with such a high density of great musicians, great sound engineers, great lighting guys, great promoters... Not to mention incredibly liberal alcohol/licensing laws... But everywhere in the world has tiny pockets.
And i will search for the pockets.
One thing about transcribing that i have discovered from my travel journaling is that as you type it in you look back and think to yourself... my God, why did i write that? In my travel journaling i do some minor editing while transcribing, but this time i will leave it as-is. I mean, what the fuck was i thinking trying to justify why i prefer the "afterhours" crowd like oh no people who go clubbing on Saturday nights aren't real clubbers? What nonsense.
But, you know, bits and pieces that you do scrawl down in a haze perhaps do have a kernel of truth. For example. Less people. Smaller crew. I've never been a fan of big clubs and definitely not busy clubs. I need room to dance. Room to breathe. In Berlin the nighttime clubbers subsidize the slower pace that i like on the afternoons. In cities with less developed scenes i guess i just need to find the parties thrown by real labor of love DIY crews. They're out there. I know, because i actually lived 30-some years of my life NOT in this ravers wonderland.
So, you know, processing my decision. My landlord confirmed my exit date of end March. Yesterday i had a scheduled day off nursing my (expected) hangover of doom. Today i do not have a scheduled day off but i have called in sick because... Oh yeah, i don't want to go to work. Sigh. I need a day to mentally prepare myself. Next week i will have to tell my team, and it will be all i can do not to cry because i really do love them and want them to look back on this job as one of their best. I hope i could give them that. I need to give them that for just three more months. And then i can look out for me again.