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raver tension
So, there have been tons of terror attacks, mass shootings and natural disasters since i had a Facebook. But i never really got majorly affected by them, not even the recent attack in the Christmas market in Berlin. I mean, who of my friends would ever go to a Christmas market? (Or visit West Berlin for that matter?) I was a bit worried about the NYE nightclub shooting in Istanbul since i knew a couple people who were in town partying that weekend, but turns out it was a bit more of a fancy nightclub than the durty techno joints my crew would frequent. A few weeks before that i lost some second-degree friends at the fire during the warehouse rave in Oakland. The gay club shooting in Orlando last year also upset me, but it was less personal because i don't know anyone in Florida.

But BPM festival. Dude. That is probably the most attended festival in the world by Toronto ravers. Not to mention the Mexican ravers and European ravers i know who had made the trip. At least 15 people on my friends list were there, and probably hundreds of second-degree friends. I just found out when i got home a minute ago. I scrolled down my feed with a lump in my throat terrified that one of my friends would be confirmed dead. Turns out one of the dead is a second-degree friend, and hopefully that's all. Goddamn, that was the most horrifying Facebook scroll i ever did.

I can't imagine what it must feel like to live somewhere where terror attacks or gun violence are a daily thing. Where this feeling happens all the time. I mean, i guess you would get used to it. But, Jesus Christ, no one should have to get used to this.

Side note, why does 5 people dying at a rave where friends of mine attended hurt more than 50+ people dying in some other place i have never been and no one i know ever goes? Well, i guess that's called being a human being. We are screwy.

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Personally I feel that the reason you feel that way about the 5 friends who attended and not the 50+ is because it's about your association.

I'm a nurse. I see and take care of people who die at times. Some deaths are expected (older adults--DNR) those I don't have really any connection to them ( don't know the person or know anything about them-- I don't know what they did in their life-- I might know they have kids because the kids are there -- but i don't know them for who they are). So when they pass, they pass. It's just something that happens and it was their time naturally.

Then there are code's where you try everything to keep them alive. The ones that do pass I feel defeated but I don't feel sad or hurtful. There's a disconnect. I don't have a personal/emotional connection to them. They are a stranger.

I'm not sure if I've just built this up over the years with death. I wouldn't make it as a nurse if I had that connection with the patient. This is a benefit to working in a hospital setting and not a nursing home. I have friends who work in the nursing home and do get connected with the patients and their families and even though the patient might be older and passed naturally they made that connection with the patient and the family. They might not talk to them outside of work and only know them through a work setting but because they are there with them, that connection was formed though.

That's what makes a difference. That connection. That's the best way I can explain it. If that makes sense.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be confronted with death every day at work. I really admire the work that you - and all healthcare professionals - do. Thank you :)

I think you are right that the connection makes a difference. Perhaps it is also the "it could have been me" feeling - when something awful happens in a place that you know well, or that you intended one day to visit. Either way it probably makes sense that humans don't react to all deaths the same way - if we did we'd either all either be psychopaths or blubbering messes our whole lives.

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