amw (amw) wrote,

i am fat and sick

Today, inspired by loveshanny, i decided to clean for serious. The post i am referring to was a month ago, so clearly i have not gotten very far out of my usual habit of cleaning once every few months.

Don't get me wrong - i always wipe down, wash dishes and dispose of food scraps immediately after every meal. I sweep the floors and take out the trash several times a week. And obviously i wash my clothes once a week, because i only own 2 (now-crotchless) pants, 5 tops and 6 pairs of underwear. Since i don't own anything, my house is never a pigsty. But when it comes to scrubbing surfaces, toilets, floors and so on... yeah that's some once in a blue moon event.

Guess what, kids? Coming into this evening i have spotless floors in the dry room and a largely grease- and mold-free wet room. There's still a lot to do before i would consider it "moving out clean", but it feels nice.

I also organized my paperwork, since i had it all out on the desk after the work permit and residence permit renewal.

That's when i took a wrong turn. I decided to actually look at the results of my January 2018 and December 2018 physicals. Before today i didn't really take a deep look at the results because all i cared about was the same thing the government cares about - a red stamp at the bottom saying i am not about to drop dead. But, as it turns out, i am well on my way.

In January i had elevated bilirubin. I have always had that, and the doctors always say it's nothing. Or, if i push them to name it, they call it Gilbert's syndrome, which i am pretty sure is just doctor-speak for "nothing". I also had abnormally low blood pressure and low blood sugar. Whatevs.

But, apparently, i was also "HBsAb positive", whatever that means. Which sucks because i refreshed all my vaccinations before i left Germany in 2017. I googled it and now i am worried i have hepatitis.

Well, not really all that worried. The one good thing between January and December is that my bilirubin is uncharacteristically back to normal and my HbA1c blood sugar is back to normal too. Low blood pressure will never go away. So, i'm healthier, right?

Wrong. I don't know how much i weigh. I don't have a scales. Never weigh myself. Don't care. Except now i fucking do care because in January i was 192cm and 78.5kg and now i am 190cm and 88.8kg. I actually got shorter and fatter. I will give them that their machine might be off by a bit, and maybe i was wearing heavier clothes or whatever, but clearly i have gained.

Now i am annoyed. Because i have been biking daily for 11 months and i thought i was keeping reasonably active. But i'm not because work exhausts me so much that my hikes are only once every couple months instead of every week, and i am eating 3 meals a day instead of 2 like i do when i'm not working. Work sucks.

So, i have hepatitis, and i am turning into a potato.

I don't make new year's resolutions but now i want to try to get back under 80kg by the next time i have to do a physical. I need to get back to hiking again. And cut out my after-lunch 王老吉. Sigh. I liked it better when i didn't know. Staying alive is such a pain in the ass.
Tags: decrepit, my boring life, sick

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