I have actually been out a couple times over the past month despite being busy. Just to friends' places to hang out, but that's a hell of a lot more than i've been doing in the six or so months before that. It's good to get out and do things and not be a hermit. I might be busy with things and tired and exhausted but i shouldn't let that get in the way of going out from time to time and communicating with people beyond my colleagues and my roommate. I still have a problem doing anything on weeknights or during the day on the weekends, though. Weeknights i'm tired from work, barring Friday, and during the day on weekends i usually just want to sleep and sit at home and not go anywhere. Still, getting back a few Friday and Saturday nights here and there might encourage me to do other things too. It's pretty sad i haven't even been downtown for months - just to the comic shop on the corner here and the grocery store on the other corner. I've turned suburban! Muahahaha!
I'm still kinda bummed about the money situation. I know if it hadn't been for the car and my school work my debt would be quite manageable right now, but i should still be doing a better job keeping it in check. Is it unnecessary to spend money on comics? Or DVDs? Or cokes and candy and chips at work? Or getting drinks on Friday night? I dunno. They're the things that make me happy, you know. I miss T with all my fucking heart, and even though i want so much to have the money to go back to see here as often as possible, i also need to have those other things that make me happy or i'll be a wreck for her anyway. It's a horrible balancing act, and it'd be much easier if i didn't have to do it. If i was just THERE, if i didn't have that hanging over my head, gotta find money for a plane flight gotta find money for a lawyer gotta pay off my debt in 12 months gotta gotta.
It's one of those running themes in my life over the past few years - feeling guilty when i spend my money on "frivolous" things. I need to just lie down and enjoy it and not worry. So today, after i did my final two tests before the exams for this term's subjects, i sat down and read some comics and clicked around on my broadband internet and snuggled the fluffy pink elephant she gave me and watched sci-fi Sunday on cable. And i was happy, lonely but happy and you know i never tell you guys that. So here i am.