amw (amw) wrote,

emergency. emergency. e-e-mergency.

when i was quitting smoking for the umpteenth time, before the days of vapes, i used to keep a pack of emergency cigarettes.

i don't have a vape any more, because they're not very convenient for traveling around the world (a usb battery is similar weight and more generally useful), but the lockdown has reminded me of the concept of emergency cigarettes.

you remember the pack of lady cigarettes i bought a few weeks back in a fit of blind drunkenness? they have become my emergency cigarettes. the last couple weekends i have turned up some techno music (on my tablet so... not very loud) and hung my head out the window to smoke and dance. it's almost like being in a nightclub.

except not really.

my facebook, which i have started revisiting to try get a bit of human connection in this lockdown, is currently full of the news that pretty much every nightclub in berlin is shutting down.

the lights are off in my beloved kater. the lights are off everywhere.

nightclubs are the grimiest fucking places. sweaty people all shoved up against one another sharing water, sharing drinks. people doing lines of mystery powder off the backs of toilets. mystery pills found on the floor, down the hatch, why not? hugs and kisses, bashed-up monday morning cigarettes carefully passed around like they're gold, falling asleep on a couch covered in confetti with an empty bottle of cheap champagne...

god i miss nightclubs.

i miss human contact. i realize i haven't touched a single person since this lockdown began. fuck social distancing. even in china, not a decent nightclub around, at least you'd bump into people (literally, not figuratively) in restaurants or shops or other crowded places. take it away, you're a ghost. everyone's a ghost. it's a city of ghosts. you can't even see people's faces because of the mandatory mask regulations.

when i was not quitting drinking for the umpteenth time, in between the times of being an addict of far better and less legal drugs, i used to keep a bottle of emergency rum.

the emergency rum came out when everything got too hard. hit the emergency rum, call in sick for work, feel marginally better about my life. in berlin i didn't need emergency rum because of 24-hour convenience stores selling alcohol. in china i don't need it either for the same reason. but during the lockdown i have been sure to keep a mickey of something with an abv at least 35%.

i've had a few school night emergencies, and performed poorly the next morning at work. sad part of getting old, you don't bounce back the next day. or, perhaps, you are just more conscious of how much of a dick you are.

i can't remember what i was talking about. i'm drunk and lowercasing to try to avoid the headache when i inevitably scroll up tomorrow and cringe at whatever stupid drunken shit i posted.

yeah anyway. so, the emergency cigarettes, the emergency rum, they are now being regularly deployed during this emergency.

i need something to help me feel like there is more to life than just my computer screen. i love tv. i love gaming. but dude. i lie in my bed all day and work on my computer. then i close that computer and open up my other one. then i fall asleep. then i wake up. then i open the work computer again. life is a loop. life is a loop. life is a loop.

and not even a good loop. not like last year's sequel of the old acid classic macrocosm.

Mike Dred - Macrocosm II (2019)

polyrhythms up the ass.

here's the old one for those who don't know.

Mike Dred - Macrocosm (1993)

if your 303 line don't syncopate, fuck your 303 line.

life would be better if it was programmed on a 303,,,
Tags: alcoholism, i am durnk, raving

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