amw (amw) wrote,

The life of blah.

You know what i really hate about myself when i procrastinate? It's not the act of procrastination itself so much as what i actually DO to avoid the things i should be doing. I don't make music or go watch a movie or hang out with friends or anything like that. I sit in front of the computer (because i know that's where i should be sitting in order to do school work) and i click mindlessly on websites. Seriously. I've wasted 5 hours today in front of the computer with my assignment open just clicking on websites that are not particularly interesting, not insightful, not anything i would spend ten minutes reading if it was a normal Sunday - but i'm sitting here because it makes me feel like i'm kinda sorta close to about to work but not quite there. It's like Ferris Bueller skipping school only to sit in the public library all day, school books in tow but closed. What the fuck.

I really have been busy, but. I have had a few much-needed nights out over the past month, but i've also spent weeknights working on school, weekends on school... And it's frustrating because i know half that time "working" was just me wasting time trying to enthuse myself to work. This coming Friday i have an assignment due, which is about 2/3 done and what i should be working on today. The week after that i have another assignment due which is 0% done and i should probably have tried to start today after i finished the first one. The really silly thing is if i just focused properly and got the shit done i would have more time to do fun things because i wouldn't be wasting it sitting here.

Anywho. I am doing alright. It's 2005 you know. I just want to make this year go somewhere. Last year a lot of positive things happened in moving out of my old house, getting a car, starting school again... but i didn't save any money and school really took a lot out of me. In a couple months i will have finished this term and then i may have a three-month gap till i complete my final unit because of scheduling at the university. And man i am going to enjoy those three months, in spite of still doing the 9 to 5 thang. But yeah, i do want to get somewhere this year. Last year was kind of a slow build to nothing. This year i want to be a fun year where i'm not stressing about things too much. I am so over stress. It sucks. I am also incredibly over university and any faith i had left in its relevance to real work. Having those letters on my resume better net me at least five grand or i will be pissed.

Actually five grand cash in hand would be sooo sweet right now. Oh, to see my debt back at zero :-) The thought makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Fuzzy wuzzy should be doing school work. Ha.
Tags: manic, my boring life

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