amw (amw) wrote,
amw
amw

vacationing

I also wanted to write more about my vacation but it's fucking difficult. I went to a student rally about an issue that affects me and my friends and my sister. I went down the coast and built sandcastles and swam in the ocean for the first time since i was about 12 and went clubbing and ate pancakes. I had an awesome relaxing time that i feel like i can't share online.

Breaking up with T is probably the most weird experience i've ever had to deal with (which is saying a lot coming from a trannie). I fucked up. I spent 6 months or a year or who knows how long coming to terms with the fact i wasn't going to be able to deal with a long-term relationship like we had. I spent all that time mourning inside, mourning and crying that it all seemed to be falling apart and there didn't seem to be anything i could do to make it better. But i fucked up because i wasn't honest with her, so when it all snapped overnight i'd been dealing with it for months and she was taken completely by surprise.

Now she's hurting, she's still hurting, and i'm moving on and it sucks that i can't do anything to make it better for her. It hurts me that i've lost my best friend, maybe forever. I feel like an ass for not saying something sooner, it probably wouldn't've changed anything for me but it would've been easier for her right now.

Ack. Yeah so can i say i'm smitten with someone else? *sigh*
Tags: crazy, depression, looking back, protest, relationships
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