It's like 15 degrees now, which i suppose shouldn't be anything to complain about, but it's windy and overcast too! Everything is vaguely soggy and it isn't drying out. Cold and wind and drizzle ass piss rain can fuck right off.
I was outside for 3-4 hours today just playing harmonica and reading and my fingers damn near dropped off. And that was ducked behind a large pile of rail ties to hide from the wind, and sitting on a pallet to keep my butt warm.
To be honest it wasn't being outside that kicked off this funk. I already started panicking this morning when i counted up exactly how many months of this shit i still have to suffer through. The snow doesn't go away till like fucking April in a good chunk of the country. Down the hill in the miserable fucking swamp that is Vancouver and surrounds it's marginally warmer, but it's all boggy and gray and i already want to throw myself off a cliff after just one overcast day here.
I mean, i don't mind overcast days. Fucking Guangdong, fuck, it's overcast all the time. Typhoon, thunder storm, whatever. But at least it's not cold too. I hate wearing all these big, heavy clothes. I hate carrying them in my bag "just in case". And i don't want to buy even more shit! Fuck!
I don't know what's happened to me, if i just got old or what. I have lived in much colder places than here. Toronto's winter is far worse. Hell, Berlin winters are pretty grim. I've lived in Holland, Denmark, even Scotland for crying out loud! New Zealand isn't anything to write home about during winter either. I know my body can handle this.
Obviously my body can handle this. The only good thing about being in a cold place is getting skinnier. Winter is like the ultimate weight loss program. You walk twice as fast when you're outside, and when you're inside you still burn calories just sitting around shivering to death. There's no decent produce to eat either so it's a miracle everyone doesn't just waste away. But yeah, we make it through. Human beings are resilient.
So perhaps my body will survive, but what about my mind? I am supposed to be on vacation. I don't know what i expected to happen when i got back to Canada. I think i had this romantic notion of pootling across the country on bus and train and whatnot, but i absolutely neglected to factor in the weather problem. (I also neglected to factor in the fucking bear problem, but that's a whole nother rant.)
The prospect of being stuck here, in the cold, for months... Months!!! It's just depressing. There are whole bands of this planet where winter is not even a fucking concern, like oh no, i might need to put a long sleeve on after sundown, woe is fucking me. I used to live there! But now it's like, might as well switch off the whole fucking country for 6 months. Yo, get fucked with those expensive ass winter sports too. And then couple the abysmal weather with the complete and utter lack of public events due to the virus... I mean, what the hell, man?
Okay, i vented.
I hope i can get over this soon. There's no point staying upset over something i can't change. But right now. GAH! I hate winter so much. As if to rub my nose in it, a unit from the world capital of maple syrup and way too much fucking snow decided to visit my western sandbox.
Even the trains are blue!