amw (amw) wrote,

feeling fat

One thing that's really beginning to shit me lately is my weight. Or my belly, to be more specific. For years i was around a size 8-10, eating alright, living fairly healthy, it's just where i was at naturally i guess. A couple years ago i began to get frustrated at my concave arms and sticking out ribs so i spent 6-12 months drinking protein shakes and beer and doing some bulking up exercises. I hit a size 14 around a year ago i think, and it was pretty decent. I had to buy new pants because nothing fit me any more.

Well now pants i bought 6 months ago are leaving button marks on my belly and i have a gut overhang and my arms are all jiggly. And my tits are jiggly. My fucking tits! People who've seen me in the past know i had nothing to offer in that department, so this is just crazy. Anyway. Now my clothes are uncomfortable and while i don't mind having some curves, this fucking stomach is shitting me to tears.

I've been cutting back down on smoking this year (again). I smoke like 2-5 cigarettes an evening during the week and i don't count on the weekends, but it's taking me two weeks to go through a bag of tobacco which is about half where i was at at the beginning of the year. I've been cutting down on Diet Coke too. I'm down to two cans and one coffee per day. That's down from six or more cans a day and two coffees. I'm fucking healthy goddamnit. I don't know why i'm gaining weight. Maybe i need to quit drinking too, but that would make life terribly boring.

I think what i really need to quit is driving. I used to walk a few kms a day to bus stops around the place, to do the shopping etc. Now i walk a few blocks up to the shop on the weekend and that's it. I've also gotten that old raver syndrome where i just go out and drink beers instead of dancing all night. Problem is i live out in the fucking boondocks and buses take over an hour to work each way. I need to move house and sell my car. Or at least move house. We'll be extending our current rent by 3 or 4 months soon so early next year it'll be time to go and i have to get back to the inner suburbs. West End, New Farm or Spring Hill. Kangaroo Pt, Highgate Hill or Petrie Tce if it has to be. Where i am now feels like half way to frickin Sydney. Blah.
Tags: alcoholism, car, my boring life

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