amw (amw) wrote,

okay bad move

Today was the first day i did nothing. And i really hate it. The ADSL got reconnected yesterday afternoon (figures it'd be reconnected by the time i got home from my $15 internet cafe session) so i stayed home all day today clicking websites and watching the awful TV that is daytime free-to-air.

I did lots of laundry and took out the trash, but it didn't do much for my feeling crap. T's step-dad is in hospital, which shook me a bit yesterday afternoon and hasn't helped my mood. I'm getting into that unemployed funk and i hate it. I need to do something every day to stop feeling useless. I don't think i'm a hardcore workaholic - if anything i'm a hardcore procrastinator - but nothing makes me feel more useless than sitting at home with no job.

Yesterday i finished the books i was reading too (Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential" - very cool - and Howard Chaykin's "City of Tomorrow" graphic novel). Tomorrow i am going to walk downtown to time how long it takes. I don't care if i just walk right back again, i need to do it. Maybe i'll find a library on the way. I will also pick up the paper and go through the Saturday jobs. Staying at home just makes me eat more, smoke more, drink more and get depressed.

Though on the brighter side, speaking of smoking - since i've been in Melbs i haven't smoked more than four cigarettes per day, and most days are two or three. One day i even smoked just one! I think i'm finally at the point where it's just a special treat i enjoy with a beer after dinner and that's it. I hope so.

I am going to lie on the couch now till i fall asleep... tomorrow will be better :-)
Tags: alcoholism, depression, family

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