You know there's nothing here i fucking like except work. It's tragic when i'm on vacation and i just want to get back to work because if i'm not at work i have to put up with the fucking appalling weather (16C/60F max in the middle of summer, rain and hail on Australian Christmas!?) and the general shittiness that is this town. You know i spent hours trawling downtown for gifts and every fucking shop is the same shit. It's boring as hell. Sure, some of the suburbs here have great nifty shops tucked away but who the fuck wants to go out to the suburbs to buy stuff? Fuck! I don't have a fucking car. I'm fucking lonely. We got stood up on Christmas. How are you supposed to meet people when you invite new people over and they don't even rock up? At least we've got assloads of food left.
So fucking tired of this fucking country and its fucking SHIT television fucking SHIT sports fucking driving on the wrong side of the road fucking ARGH FUCK. Fucking stupid parochial politics fucking annoying accents ugly fucking cars hopeless shops terrible fucking food AGARHGAWRGsedrfdsgdf.agdf
You know Christmas wasn't terrible. Two friends came over and we put on a full-on feast just for the hell of it. Yeah it was pissing down with rain and freezing cold, but at least we got to turn the lights on the tree and watch movies like a northern hemisphere Christmas. Melon and prosciutto, Vietnamese spring rolls, spinach and ricotta triangles, potato bake, Greek salad, cold ham and cheese platter. All real easy to make and yummy enough to be kinda sorta special. Lots of beer and a bottle of rose. We watched Death Becomes Her, Jay & Silent Bob and Snoopy Comes Home. Plus a Christmas Carol adaption on TV with Patrick Stuart. I got enough Toblerone to sink a carrier in my giftage.
But yanno i had a cry in the morning, i guess it just wouldn't be Christmas if someone didn't break down. Then last night i woke up when burning_angel_ called at 3am, presumably from a nightclub in Brisbane, and then i couldn't sleep any more because i was just angry and sad and fucked off at fucking everything. Again. Ever since letting Blondie through my guard a week or two back it's all just fucking FUCKED. I'm all fragile and instead of just ignoring everything and living in work and DVDs and CDs and comics and Counter-Strike i'm just pissed about everything i was 5 years ago, i'm sad, i'm fucking depressed. Though 5 years ago i was in America so half of all the shit wasn't an issue. Fuck.
You know i was going to try be productive this week, get my synths out, start maybe writing music again, go out clubbing for fuckin once. Biggest regret of the year is staying home for most of it. But it's cold and raining and i'm just fucking sick of the whole thing. I want to get the fuck out of here, i've never lived in a city with residents as up themselves as they are here. I've never even visited a city which was so up itself. Why aren't there any normal people here? I mean, outside of work, where as "social" as we can get on Friday night beers it just isn't the same people you meet at a party. I just want to move to some desert island and open a club and drink cocktails and listen to techno music and have people over who are happy to fuckin be there because they're on vacation and it's sunny and warm and friendly and shit doesn't suck.
Goddamnit i want a cigarette so bad it's not funny.
Did i mention anxiety has come back in force this year? And they won't prescribe me shit either because yanno i might abuse it or something. Sigh.
M got dreads for Christmas. Dreads are funny-lookin hehehe.
The other day i caught up with mom and my aunt (formerly of Boston) who i haven't seen for 10 years. That was actually pretty cool. My mom is rockin more as she gets older.
Anyway yeah. Shit sucks.