amw (amw) wrote,
amw
amw

frazzle

My brain is frazzled. Been through three days of work so far and i think i'm doing pretty well picking everything up. It's nice working for a good manager again - one who doesn't micro-manage and waste time explaining something a million times, but also one who isn't afraid to be supportive and hands-on when you do need it. I can't get over how good it feels to not be in the midst of bullshit politics any more. I think i might be letting myself get extra sucked-in by work to avoid thinking about other shit, to avoid feeling. That worries me a bit but i can't exactly take time off stress leave or call in sick on my first couple weeks.

Last night i bought an emergency pack of cigarettes. That's like the first pack of cigarettes i've bought for two years or something. I've smoked one so far. I don't want to fall back into that again. I had weird dreams all night last night and woke up crying. Man i've made some fucky mistakes over the years. Sometimes seems like everything's just better in my dreams.

It's really fucking cold. It's getting under 4 degrees (40F) at night. I was breathing all clouds this morning.

What should i do with myself???
Tags: career, depression, looking back, relationships
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