amw (amw) wrote,

stabbing sideways

What can you say about a funeral? It was sad. I smoked an emergency cigarette. Seeing a real live dead person was kinda weird. It's like all the soul is gone, it's just this shell of nothing sitting there in a box. Odd. The wake was more difficult, especially because there was no alcohol due to the deceased having just gone through AA. It's hard to socialize with a bunch of people you hardly know and talk about a friend of yours who just killed herself. I really wanted some time to myself, or at most just a few close friends.

I did spend the next day and a half in Brisbane, though, which was awesome. Thanks to the wonderful hospitality of burning_angel_ and suupernorton i got five-star treatment at an innercity apartment. It was really fucking good to see them again. Brisbane was sunny and warm and my friends were there. You know i don't really think about how much i miss those friendships i started building in Brisbane. Seems like just as i got to know people i left. It's really hard to keep that closeness when you're gone, but it was good to know things could just pick up again. I should visit more often, it really isn't too expensive.

One really weird thing i noticed about Brisbane that i didn't notice when i lived there is how many white people there are. It was freaky. In my suburb and around central Melbourne i'd say the demographics are at least half Asian, mostly Malaysian and Chinese but also Indonesian, Indian, Japanese, Korean... It really struck me - i felt like i was in a foreign country with all these white people speaking English everywhere.

I went to the doctor this morning and he removed a fuckload of blood because i haven't been checked up for ages and my body is really struggling. The thing i had a month ago that i thought was gastroenteritis could be something worse because it's still hurting now. Stabbing side pain and nausea are the worst symptoms. Going for an ultrasound on Thursday... I hope i'm okay :-(

Played basketball tonight. Will play again tomorrow. Will finally get my hair done Friday. Can't decide whether to go short again or keep growing it out. It's really nice to be able to tie it back, but short hair looks so hot. But it's sooo fucking hard to maintain looking hot. Hmm. I have so much more interesting things to write about but i feel like i can't emotionally let go right now, it's all kinda wound up tight as fuck.
Tags: alcoholism, depression, funeral, movement, my boring life, sick

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