Yeah i'm scared, as fun as getting a CT scan was as an experience it fucking sucked to know the things they were looking for. And if on Tuesday my doc says well congratulations we found nothing it doesn't change the fact i'm STILL in pain after almost six fucking weeks. In 2003 i had a scare like this where the doc originally told me i might have hepatitis but then went back and said i was okay. That was fun. I don't even want to google any of the shit i COULD have because it'll just freak me out more. But then if he says it's nothing again then what the fuck, just wait another few years till i'm even more nauseous and in pain and need a new liver? I need a fucking drink.
The worst thing is that now my work life is going fucking sweet as. I'm enjoying my job, i'm good at it, i like going to work, i can see a future at the company, my manager is reinforcing me. We'll see in six months but hey, right now it fucking rocks. Not only that, but it's the only thing at the moment that i've got that's mine and is getting my mind off all this shit. I just wanna know why there can't be some balance, you know? Why is it shit at work and good at home, or good at work and shit at home? If i want to be successful i need it to be at work and at home. I need to be able to be healthy and happy as well as savvy and hard-working. Fuuuuck.