amw (amw) wrote,

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So far i've received twelve mass-broadcast text messages. Very few of which come from people who bother to reply to my text messages through the rest of the year. Is that supposed to make me feel good? It's midday, i should've been at Z and J's place an hour ago. I am feeling about as un fucking merry as Jesus was when he popped out onto a bed of straw the donkeys just pissed in.

Really the last thing i want to do right now is get in a tram and spend an hour traveling to a friend's house on the other side of the city to eat food and be polite. I'm so fucking frustrated. These last six months or so i've finally gotten my shit together, i can honestly say i've had the happiest times of my life. I'm not looking back wistfully any more, i'm looking forward and it feels like i'm happy with who i am and where i'm going. I've been really positive. But then work forces me to take a week off and my friends force me to be merry and my mood takes a hit. I am so fucking angry i'm stuck here in Australia. Normally i don't have to think about it, but when i get twelve fucking Christmas text messages and it's fucking sunny outside it's hard not to. All i want to do is close my eyes and go la la la not listening and pretend i'm not here. So fucking frustrated.
Tags: anxiety, australia sucks, crazy, freedom

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