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Sunday morning
singapore sunset
amw
When my mom moved us to Europe in 1993 i didn't really think about how that would affect my relationship with my dad who stayed in New Zealand with his new wife and family. Back in those pre-internet days it meant that all correspondence was via snailmail, and as such dialog was protracted. I don't remember how often i wrote, but i can't imagine it being more than several times a year. I always found it incredibly difficult to fill up a page. I loved growing up in Europe - it was by far the best thing that happened to me as a teen - but having to rely on written communication left me estranged from my dad.

The thing about writing irregularly is that you paradoxically have less to say than you do if you write frequently. All those little things that go on in your life, all those storms in a teacup, everything that seems so big when it's right now, but so small in retrospect just disappears. When you look back over several months and try to find the highlights, you realize how devoid of real highlights your life truly is. That's how i feel writing this journal entry today. It's been too long. I don't have any highlights. I'm trying to think of "important stuff" that's happened over the last 3 weeks and there is none.

So many small little things have gone on. We moved the office layout at work which gave me a back strain because i had to hunch down to a hobbit desk in my new spot. I can't play basketball, i can barely carry anything, i need to sit up like i have a carrot in my ass. For the first time in my life i feel like i should be claiming worker's compensation. An office worker bitching about her working environment! How ridiculously bourgeois. I could write about our miserable experiences trying to contact an immigration lawyer whose paralegal ignored us, or about the next lawyer who seemed perfect on paper but whose fees were 10 grand, or our current bet with more reasonable fees but a (significant) typo on the retainer agreement. That saga is still unfolding. We had a friend of J's over for dinner the other night and she baked us a kick-ass apple pie. Last week J and i had our long-delayed movie marathon weekend where we ordered in Chinese and shared some of the flicks that meant a lot to us.

But it's Sunday morning and none of that seems like "important stuff". The overriding thing at the moment is J still doesn't have a job, which means financially we're very tight. Not at all uncomfortable, but we are missing the luxuries i have grown to consider the norm. No more ordering $15 cocktails, no more going out to eat, no more visits to the DVD store, no more trips to Sydney or anywhere else outside of Metlink zone 1. I have money in savings, but that's going to be for the inevitable period when the tables are turned - when J supports me and i am without work in a foreign country. So i guess this lifestyle IS the norm for me now, and probably for another year going forward. I really loved being a yuppie and i'm dedicated to getting back to that level of comfort, but i'm dedicated to my partner too and so if one takes a bit longer then that's okay. If you could see the way i smile these days... it makes being "poor" worthwhile.

Finally next month Melbourne is coming out of its house music funk and we are getting Frankie Knuckles, Derrick Carter and Miles Maeda. David Morales is in the country too, but it looks like noone is booking him down here. Still, this is going to be my first opportunity in months to go out to gigs i really want to go to. Frankie Knuckles will be pricy because i'll need to taxi over to the other side of town, and the other Chicago guys will be pricy because inexplicably a fucking band is playing at the same event, but it's been so long. I am craving a dance. This could be my last chance for a while.

Christmas is weird, as usual. It's sunny in Australia, which i've never gotten used to. This is going to be my first Christmas with a Hanukkah attached, so that's weird too. Because of the money thing getting gifts is not really happening, or not as much as i would like. Meh. At least i won't be alone and trashed like last year. I love the whole Christmas... THING. I like the campy tackiness and all the fun, stupid tradition that goes with it... I like the idea of family all getting together and hanging out... I so rarely get that kind of Christmas, though. The summer thing is bullshit. My sister and mom's take on "new age" is "anything remotely Christian is to be protested violently" so they'll never enjoy it like i do. But i can start new traditions, right? I'll stick on my Michael Bublé Christmas CD and watch my Charlie Brown Christmas and the hell with it. I might not have a big family here, it might be summer, but we can eat latkes and exchange the small things we can afford and this one will be special.

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