About a month ago when we were looking for lawyers all of them told us we would be much better off applying for permanent residence as a married couple than as a common-law couple. So we started floating the idea of doing the official paperwork when i arrived but publicly celebrating later at a second wedding. Needless to say, that was a pretty disappointing development. I've never really enjoyed any of the weddings i've attended, but when i proposed to J i was still looking forward to a bit of tradition and romance (that's kinda the point). I certainly didn't expect to be pushed into a no-frills wedding for legal reasons. But the longer i thought about it, the more comfortable i got with the idea - at least then J and i could get settled legally and have time to properly plan an event we were both happy with, rather than trying to squeeze something in for end-2009 like we originally hoped.
Last week we investigated options for simple civil ceremonies and booked ourselves a slot for April 3. We decided to only invite close family, since the date is only 3 weeks after i arrive in Canada. I doubted my family could make it on that short notice, and i didn't want to be overwhelmed by hers while i was still finding my feet, so low-key would be perfect. Also, the smaller the better, as then at least the big celebration down the track would still have some meaning. Well fuck me. Whoever would've thunk that inviting 12 of J's "closest family" would trigger a freakin showdown worthy of its own Ennio Morricone score. God forbid we didn't invite this uncle and that aunt and the estranged third-removed cousin's family too. To a secular civil ceremony we are only doing for immigration, and a gay one at that! Jesus!
But my family wasn't without its own dramas. Aside from (still) not hearing back from my dad or sister, my mom "dropped by" (read: decided to fly over from Adelaide for an afternoon) to land the news on us that she didn't have the money to come to either the mini-wedding OR wedding 2. I never expected my family to be able to make it to the first one anyways, but did she really have to break it so hard? Well i told her i wanted her there. Of everyone in the world, yanno, she's the one person i'd move heaven and earth to be there. Lo and behold, this week she says she's going to book a ticket to the mini-wedding regardless of the cost. That means so much to me, but holy hell last weekend i just wanted to bang my head into the wall. J's family has come around too, so hopefully we can just get on with the fucking thing happily like we're supposed to.
I guess we got a pretty good taste of how much worse trying to plan wedding 2 is going to be. Seriously, you've got to be fucking nuts to do this - J and i spent most of last weekend in tears with frustration. Family/friends politics is such bs. I just want to have my guys over for a couple hours to say hey i'm 30 and i've made it - i've got a good job and a great partner and i haven't gone insane yet so yay fucking me. And then get the hell out of there so we can go drink cocktails under a palm tree for a few weeks.
Fortunately no matter what stupid bullshit is going on around the whole event, the reality is that it's only about 5 minutes that's going to matter to me, and that's when we're up there exchanging vows. That's what i'm really looking forward to, and that's what will stay with me afterwards. I don't want to do this twice (well, with different people), so this has gotta be everything.
On another note, my company is very sad to see my go, and my bosses are pulling out whatever they can to try get me telecommuting from Canada for a few months. If it comes through, it's going to be great news for the both of us - my company gets high-quality, uninterrupted work and i get a much softer landing. They're talking to their lawyers, i'm talking to mine, so together hopefully we will work something out.
Also, Frankie Knuckles is amazing. Third time i've seen him now and he keeps getting better. End of the month i'm seeing Derrick Carter again (Miles Maeda got scratched from the line-up - sigh) and then in March J and i are going to Sydney for Paul Oakenfold @ Mardi Gras. Not my style at all, but hey - with 20,000 gays from around the world dancing their asses off i suspect i won't be able to help but enjoy it! That's going to be our treat before leaving the country.
So fuck, the economy's in tatters, i don't really have a job any more, i have an acute back injury, the family are crazy, but life is rocking. Canada here i come! (Eh)