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where's that desert island gone?
singapore sunset
Yesterday i was particularly fragile because one of the organizations i called i must have transposed the digits or something and this chick goes "hello". I ask if it's the organization i wanted, and she lets loose with: "Don't you think if i actually was then i would have answered the phone that way? I'm sick of all you people calling me! <click>" ... which is just about the worst possible way to deal with people who are obviously already on the edge or they wouldn't be trying to call in the first place. I completely broke down. Still made it out for a birthday dinner, though.

And then this morning i didn't want to get out of bed. But i eventually did and i squashed my brain into work mode and did 3-4 hours solid work. Get completely consumed in coding a piece of software, that's how i managed to keep my shit together for years, right? What a fucking shitty way to do it. Now i am skipping another Friday night dinner because i am feeling too crappy to go. J was upset but i am already having a hard enough time knowing that tomorrow i have breakfast, lunch and dinner with yet more family i've never met who are in for the weekend from NYC.

I need to write more but it's hard to get my thoughts to stick, all i've got is emotions and even they aren't slowing down much.

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it's even better when you call the right number, get a voice mail serveice and your call is never returned. or when you get the run around for months and then spend months trying to deal with being over billed once you finally did get in.

i am more bitter than you. so nyah.

So you're saying even if i try find a shrink in New York i'm just gonna hit the same shit? Joys.

Did you at least end up getting drugs or was it just billing for a talk session? At this point i'd be happy with either. Well, aside from the over-billing part.

it was just a talk session. i hadn't even gotten to the point of seeing a psychiatrist to get meds. i can't even fathom how much it would have cost.

unless you have lots of money to spend of a very expensive insurance plan (not an HMO), you will hit the same shit if not worse in the US. At least Canada doesn't charge you $100s for the privilege of being jerked around. they do that for free,

I think i keep comparing everything to when i was in California and got healthcare from the state for next to nothing, even as a non-resident. Looking back, i am understanding why the state is bankrupt now.

I think M is self-employed, but does he have his own health plan you could get on as a de-facto partner?

you had an easier time getting healthcare in CA as an uninsured non-resident alien than i've ever had as citizen, with or without insurance. most US insurance plans make it a practice to deny every claim filed. they threaten your credit rating and enough people will simply pay on top of their insurance premiums to make it cost effective for the companies to keep going that way.

m only has calamity insurance (which he just got very recently). he pays out of pocket for everything routine because it's just easier and ultimately less expensive if you're relatively healthy. there are a few plans that cover domestic partners, but most still only cover legal spouses. my last plan actually required that i furnish an original or certified copy of our marriage license if i wanted to put him on the plan.

incidentally, that plan also required that i order maintenance meds from canada. it's increasingly common for insurance companies here to deem long term medication to expensive to cover.

Jesus, what a mess :-(

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