amw (amw) wrote,

  • Mood:


I'm still half asleep, what better time to write? In a couple hours J is home from work, then we have her parents' 30th anniversary thing, then tomorrow's going to be a total write-off because of the bridesmaid party whatever thing. So i have a couple hours. My life is all sandwiched in between Other Shit right now, i take whatever i can get. Yesterday she dragged me out of the house to watch a movie. We went for an indie flick so as to avoid the Friday crowds at the blockbusters and ended up watching Lymelife, which (though alright) wasn't really the best thing to watch in my mood. But we had yummy dinner and i got out of the house and got a new book, so that is a big step forward from Thursday when i didn't even get downstairs.

One thing i did do Thursday was read. When i was young i used to read so much, all the time. Nowadays i don't read for months and then i buy one book and finish it in a day or two. This was a book dad bought me - The Kite Runner - apparently it's a movie too. Fun book. Last night i got The Hakawati. Any blurb that mentions David Bowie and magic carpets in the same breath has gotta point to something good.

Books are too fucking expensive. It's hard to justify spending $20 on a book that lasts a day when you can read on the internet all day for free. It's cheaper than a movie, but a movie is a bigger experience than you can get at home. I guess i should join a library. But that would require effort and i don't have any energy for it.

Here's the debate i have with myself every morning at the moment... Should i get out of bed now and risk having to see the parents in the kitchen? Or should i just skip eating breakfast altogether? Maybe i should just get clothes on and leave the house and eat out somewhere? Not that i have either the money or energy to eat out, but at least it would avoid having to deal with people. How awesome of a kid-in-law am i?

Yesterday the phone didn't stop ringing. J's mom was sick and didn't go to work. Some fucking random person i don't even know who it is decided to pay a visit to give a wedding gift right when i had finally pulled my shit together enough to go downstairs and eat breakfast. It's non fucking stop in this house, there is never, ever a moment where nothing happens, where no one is around. I don't know how they live like this. It's like a nightmare.

I'm not getting nightmares at the moment, in my dreams things are right. Really all i want to do is sleep more.
Tags: anxiety, bird in a gilded cage, crazy, depression, family

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.